I was raised in an old eucalyptus patch with my four sisters. We survived on mango rinds and feathers from the Great Albino Ostrich. At the age of six, I was surprised one morning to see that both of my hands had been gnawed off by the Great Albino Ostrich and subsequently replaced with prosthetic hands made of hamburg and pencils.

  Not to be deterred, I quickly adapted to the hamburg/ pencil extremities and found that drawing pictures for money would be a fantastic alternative to harvesting feathers and mango rinds. Years later, I earned a BFA from  Massachusetts College of Art and married a beautiful woman. Together we have a lovely daughter who enjoys full use of all her original apendages.

  Feel free to request my services as an artist- What else am I going to do?